1. Scientific name: Homo Jumerianus Janus
2. Common name: Jumeriah Jane
3. Genus: Homo
4. Phenotype: Hominid feet, legs and hips designed for bipedal locomotion through upmarket malls
5. Habitat: Malls, Michelin starred restaurants, beauty salons, hideously expensive coffee shops.
6. Main activity: spend partner’s money on clothes, restaurants, accessories, etc
7. IQ: not tested – considered unimportant.
8. Main purpose / mantra: “must appear fabulous!”
9. Mode of transport: gas guzzling 4×4
10. Popularly known for: being unmannered to the hired help and spending money (see point 6 above).
You might have guessed it – a Jumeirah Jane is Dubai’s answer to the Sandton kugel. And yes, most of them live in the posh suburbs of Jumeirah. These “Janes” are usually the non-working wives of expat CEO’s or Directors and they live a life of uber luxury and leisure. In short, the Jumeirah Jane is the ultimate pampered expat.
Jumeirah Janes can do it all because they employ one or more domestic servants who are at their beck and call 24×7. Oh, and their days are spent in the most meaningful ways, for instance, sipping coffee at Starbucks or Lime Tree Café with their friends and (the most important) picking the kids up from school (a really tiring job in the Dubai heat). All this has to be balanced between manicure/facial appointments at the spa and also the shopping because God forbid, a Jane cannot be seen in the same outfit twice!
Occasionally a Jane will develop a conscience and write to the Gulf News about how labourers are extremely underpaid and cannot afford deodorant. This is particularly bothersome because she came across a labourer at the mall and the smell was unbearable. So then they will arrange “care-packages” for labourers (which include the said deodorant) and consider the karmic accounts settled for the year.
I only recently discovered that the Jumeirah Jane of Dubai is an evolving species. Presently four such species have been discovered.
There is also a fear that the population of Jumeirah Janes might be declining because of the credit crunch. I certainly can’t be sure of Dubai is suffering from a Jane drain. I have decided to spend more time in their natural habitat, the Lime Tree Café, to find out. Watch this space for details.